I have been thinking about writing about this particular subject for some time now, but to be honest admitting that you are often times lonely feels terribly tragic and sad. Especially when you are a mom. Right? I mean the very definition of the word “lonely” is “sad because one has no friends or company” or “without companions, solitary”. It seems to me that the antonym to lonely is mother. My constant tiny companion and lack of solitude suggests this to be true. So how, when a woman is surrounded by humans all day, could she possibly be lonely?
I spend my days homeschooling my daughter, helping my husband with our business, doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, running to the dance studio, cooking, and more cleaning. I often wonder when I lay my head down at night how I could possibly fit one more thing into my day, but there it is. That one extra thing. The lonely ache. Please don’t misunderstand me. I love my life. I love my family. But when I became a mother no one prepared me for the moment that I would be lying in bed next to my husband while he slept and feel, lonely. I’m not really sure that is something you can prepare someone for. Along with sometimes feeling lonely comes the feelings of guilt. How could I allow myself to even entertain the notion that motherhood can feel isolating at times. I mean this is what I wanted right?
I’m not really even sure I can adequately express to you why I find myself feeling lonesome at times. Maybe it’s because I spend my time encouraging and listening to my family and rallying around them to breathe life into their dreams. As moms, we carry the weight of our happiness and if that wasn’t heavy enough we carry the weight of ensuring our children have the tools to someday embrace the idea that their happiness is their responsibility and theirs alone. Or maybe its because there are times as a mom I don’t feel I am seen. You know. Really seen. I am a mom. I am a wife. But those are not the only things that I am. I am kind. I am generous. I am compassionate. I am strong. I am intelligent. I am a woman outside of these beautiful souls. Or maybe because, no matter how hard he tries, my husband is not here all day and sometimes he just doesn’t get it. He’s not a mom. And if we are being truthful, I am so thankful for that. He works so hard for our family and gets up each day and leaves us to go make a living so that I am able to stay home and raise our family. But at the end of the day he just doesn’t always get it. No matter how open his ears and heart are to me, until you become a mother there is only so much you can understand.
I know I can’t be the only mom who feels this way sometimes. Maybe we find ourself on isolation island because it seems motherhood has become a race and competition of sorts. Where love and support are supposed to be we are met with judgment and ridicule. I don’t know what could be more isolating than that right there. Or what about the belief that moms are not supposed to hate motherhood or God forbid, in a fleeting moment, their children? How lonely to think we are the only moms to have those thoughts. Or maybe it’s the honest confession to being lonely that makes us feel like we are on a desert island. We remain isolated because we believe the lie that we are the only one who could possibly be lonely amongst a room full of the family that we created. I’ll give you a few seconds to go ahead and laugh. You done? No? Ok a few more seconds. Now, that we got that out let’s get serious again. The road that we call motherhood is never straight. We will encounter bumps, ruts and detours and often will wander on Lonely Lane. The good thing is that we won’t stay on that road forever. Eventually we will be led back or taken to a . We just have to allow ourselves to ride it out. And when you find yourself on that road please remember to look up. What you will see is other women just like yourself. So give a smile and a wave and remember that you are never alone on this journey. Don’t believe the lies of loneliness. There is an elite group of women who are feeling the same way you are and they want to remind you that you are loved, you are seen, you are amazing and you are understood. And besides being lonely isn’t the worst thing to happen in the world. We are souls having a human experience after all. It’s just another part of our journey. It means we are alive. Ain’t nothing tragic about that. Surrounding all you amazing mamas in so much love and light.